Contemplation

Will he be awake? Will he look at me a smile just like any other time I've seen him? Will he get out of bed? How long do we have? Will he make it until Christmas? 4th of July? Will there be a party on the 4th just like any year? Or will this all change too???

These are the questions in my mind as I contemplate tomorrow. We will be traveling to my dad's parent's house tomorrow to see my grandfather. He has been sick for a long time but its gotten worse in the past few months.

Last summer he was fine. Slower than usual? Yes. Not as cheerful as he usually is but fine none the less. Then Thanksgiving...he was, in a word, frail. Right before Christmas he underwent a procedure to correct some ussues with his pacemaker. Supposedly, this would give him the strngth he lacked. It helped for all of two months then he quickly began failing rapidly. Basically, his organs are not functioning together and this is taking a toll on him physically and mentaly.

All of this is wearing down my grandmother. She, nor him, hold out much hope of him getting better. She is strained and needs prayer the same as he does. My grandmother is the only person I know that can cook three full meals a day, keeps her house spotless, and still finds time to play with her grandkids and quilt. This amazing woman is weakening. I can tell she is under a lot of stress and emotional pain. Just as we all are.

My sister, Logan, will never remember him as the youthful man who could tumble around with my cousins and play games on the floor with me or walk to the nighborhood park everyday. She won't remember how he would work in the yard and build amazing things in his woodshop. I miss that man.

Tomorrow as we travel to see him for, possibly, the last time, I need strength. I pray for strength. For me. For my family. For my grandmother. But mostly my beloved grandfather. I love you Grand-daddy! I always have and I always will. A piece of my heart will be yours forever. I love you!